Online Gaming - Babysitter of the Future

K. So. What's the deal with the whole "kids on the internet" thing? I mean, I just have to step aside a moment and wonder. When I was young, sure, we had a Nintendo. My brother and I played on occasion. Then we did other things. Like homework, running around with friends, riding bikes, you know. Kid stuff.

The internet got really popular (or I first paid attention to it) when I was in high school. I learned the joys of online gaming. I spent lots of time online, not being a fan of bars, which were where all my other pals hung out. But I never did so at the exclusion of all else in my life. I ride horses. I swim. I hike. I love tennis. I train my dog. Then at night I log on and become The Bitch online.

Inevitably, I run into someone in Warcraft (and other MMORPGs) who's just too damn young to be online alone. Maybe I'm showing my age here, but where are your parents? Mom? Dad? It's 2010. You can't possibly be unaware of the sheer numbers of people running around online waiting to cause mental and emotional pain to your child without even knowing it. Why? Because they don't know your kid's a kid, and some people are douchebags!

Case in point, and at risk of losing my Bitch Tiara: While running around on a lowbie alt, mindlessly slaughtering level 2 critters, a random newb ran up to me and sent me a tell.

"Do u need help?"

I responded with my usual. "No thank you, I'm fine."

Normally that's enough. Not for this dude.

"Cuz I need help."

I sighed to myself. "With what?"

He linked two quests that were well within his level. He was in the wrong area.

"Use your map, it shows you where to go to kill those things. You should be fine."

"Okay thanks."

End of it, right? Not so. Five minutes later:

"I died."

I really just wanted to run around, alone, and pewpew things. The newb was getting to the top of that list. I'm not paying a monthly subscription fee for this annoyance. And before you say it, yes, I'm aware that I have an /ignore command but I rarely use it. He was annoying, not profane, or rude, or otherwise harmful to my gaming experience.

"I'm sorry. Just give it another try. Good luck."

"Can I put u on friends?"

Sigh. "If you want to."

"Okay. Will u chat with me?"

/facepalm

"No, probably not. I don't play a lot."

"Oh okay. Can u show me where this stuff is?"

"Maybe your mom or dad could help you."

"Ok."

At this point, the tells kept coming and I just logged out to find another source of entertainment.

But picture this. What if I really were trying to live up to my blog persona? What if I were that random jackass using his corpse to spell profane words on the ground in Stormwind? What if I had unleashed a stream of profanity at your annoying child, told him where to stick it, how to stick it, and what to pound it in with?

Now, not everyone is a pedophile. That's not what I'm getting at. What I'm saying is, would you let your kid wander around the state fair alone? No? Then why aren't you monitoring his online playtime? Why is he asking me to chat? Why does he want to be my friend? I don't know him. You don't know me. For all you know I've got deep-seated emotional problems and I'm looking to vent my insecurity on your impressionable youngster.

What's wrong with you?

I'm sure plenty of parents out there are about to get seventy kinds of defensive on me. And that's okay... because I believe what I believe, and when I have a child you can be damned sure you won't find him playing online games with a bunch of random asshats unless I'm sitting there staring over his shoulder... but preferably, not at all. Not everyone would be polite to your child.

Bear that in mind the next time you're watching TV, thinking your kid is happily swinging away at harmless pixel monsters, eh?