Nice Girl Finishes Last

In the course of our travels across Azeroth, my dear friend and I have met all manner of interesting characters. Some of these have been fleeting acquaintances and some of them have stuck around longer. As we make our way over virtual terrain, our cast of characters grows and grows. One particular addition bears special mention though, and that is he third of our trio who the reader has not met. That would be Nice Girl.

Now, I go by the Bitch because sarcasm, for me, is as natural as breathing. Half the time people can't tell if I'm serious. Even the Ditz has mastered the art of sarcasm in such a way as to act as my interpreter over the years when it was needed. She even makes a fair mediator. On the other end of the spectrum, we have Nice Girl.

When we first met Nice Girl the Ditz and I were wandering around during the midsummer world event, you know, travel from city to city, honoring your faction's fires and desecrating the other faction's. Nothing like encouraging prejudice, right? As we came into one of the smaller cross-faction towns we ran into some of the opposition putting up a good defense. Normally our initial response would have been to pew-pew them until they vaporized. On this occasion, however, we were fascinated by what was happening before us.

A lone player ran in, cheered, and was summarily mashed into a pulp. Not unheard of. Ten seconds later the same lone player, without waiting for backup, ran in and was mashed to a pulp. And again. And again. Surely this punishment couldn't continue.

"Do you want some help?" It wouldn't be a problem for us to flag and cause a little friendly destruction.

"Help with what?" was the response.

"Getting your flame."

She laughed. "Oh I have it already!"

Even the Ditz blinked at that one. "You have it?"

"Yes, but thank you!"

And in she ran again, to be beaten over the head by the bloodthirsty masses at the bonfire. Two of them even got an achievement.

And she came back!

"What are you doing?" We finally asked.

She looked at us as if the answer was obvious. "I'm helping them! Six of them have gotten achievements while I've been here!"

Huh. There was a novel concept. Helping someone by offering your virtual toon to be sacrificed repeatedly to the pixel gods. It was a nice gesture but I'm pretty sure the opposing faction was getting a kick out of slaughtering her repeatedly, rather than making any appreciable achievement gains.

Nonetheless, Nice Girl's enthusiasm was endearing. It was a little tough to drag her away from the brink of death but we managed to convince her to come with us, plying her with promises of allowing her to sacrifice herself at the next bonfire we ran across. Much like the Ditz's desire to own every vanity pet that had ever existed in any game anywhere, Nice Girl had an almost macabre need to be helpful even at the price of her own extinction.

But she fit in with us and like a dysfunctional little virtual family we traveled together. And I began the long, hard task of corrupting - er, educating Nice Girl. I mean, being nice is all well and good but bitchiness has its place. She would be my apprentice, and someday she too would discover the fine art of insincerity... or I would die trying.